Knowing Yourself: Reflections from the MIRROR WATER Community

If you think of some examples of self-care, the first ideas that come to mind, as they do for us too, are probably things like yoga and being in nature, right? But would you consider self-reflection a form of self care, the chance to turn inwards and check in with ourselves? And what is self-care for—yes, to help us keep functioning healthily day-to-day—but can it also comprise a way to know ourselves and our needs with greater depth? 

These are the kinds of questions we get into at MIRROR WATER, where we believe that self-reflection is underrated as a form of self-care. We think that many of us fall at the first hurdle (and it is a hurdle) when approaching self-care due to the sheer difficulty of carving out reflective spaces for ourselves. So, we looked at our daily routines and found that bathing is one of the few times we can check in with our bodies and make space for our minds to wander. In this article we’re thinking about how to use that space we have made for ourselves to reflect on an important topic that a lot of us struggle with, which is how to know ourselves.

In this series we put questions to you via Instagram about personal topics related to self-care (follow us at @mirrorwater.earth to participate in the next piece). We then turn your answers into articles that reflect the MIRROR WATER community’s opinions, challenges, and inspirations. It is without exception a fascinating process because there are so many striking similarities between answers that suggest there are topics we all think about, while we can also benefit from the differences that arise because they show us the variety of minds and experiences within the community. We are always moved by how thoughtful and articulate the responses are and we’re so grateful for you all!

We asked you some pretty intense questions about the extent to which you feel that you know yourselves, and how we all might become better acquainted with our own identities. If you feel unsure of yourself at times, you might be reassured to learn that only 11% of the community said ‘Of course!’ in response to the question ‘Do you know yourself?’. By far the most popular answer with over half of the vote was somewhere in the middle; ‘I’m… getting there’. This was followed in popularity by ‘It’s a constant struggle’ and ‘Not at all, is it just me?’. What this shows us is that getting to know yourself is an evolving process. This idea of a self that unfolds over time feels intuitive because we are changed over time by our experiences; even if we feel we know ourselves completely our identity will still remain in flux. Perhaps accepting that you know yourself in some ways while knowing you need to work on others is enough. In fact, the MIRROR WATER community felt strongly that you have to actively work on getting to know yourself versus letting it happen naturally, and half of you said that knowing yourself happens via a combination of actively working on yourself and letting yourself evolve naturally. 

When asked for your single best tip for getting to know yourself, the MIRROR WATER team found it fascinating that the most common suggestion wasn’t a specific activity, but simply spending time alone. We were excited to see this response because it highlights that first hurdle to self-care that we think is so important; carving out time for ourselves. Relatedly, some members of the community advised specific actions largely related to setting boundaries, such as shutting out social pressures to be someone else, recognising which people or environments aren’t helpful, and saying no when you want to. Some other specific ideas for knowing yourself better included: pursuing inner child work, engaging in soft talk, attending a silent retreat. Many of your suggestions can be summarised by making time to be alone in order to focus on reflective activities that open up the process of getting to know yourself.  

After being alone, the next most popular suggestion is also typically a solo activity—although it might be fun to strike up as a group activity—journaling. We loved seeing that you value journaling because we do too, so much so that we collaborated with our favourite independent London stationery brand, Choosing Keeping, to design a journal crafted with handmade paper (available here). Would you like to see a future article featuring ideas from the community about journal prompts and how to create a journaling practice that works for you? Let us know! 

Talking therapy was the other most popular suggestion within the community, and many of you said that therapy is the first thing you would recommend to a friend if they were struggling with their identity. Several of you were adamant about the benefits of therapy—‘go straight to talking therapy’—and offered valuable advice, especially to ‘keep going until you find a therapist you get on with’. One kind soul responded to how they would help a friend with knowing themselves better with the beautiful yet simple offering ‘let me remind you of who you are to me’. Another respondent recommended asking ‘How do your daily actions align with your vision of yourself?’ which, frankly, floored us with how swiftly this question created an opportunity for self-reflection.

The most revealing set of answers came in response to ‘What is one question about yourself that you’re trying to answer at the moment?’. The keywords of your responses that came up in a high proportion of responses were purpose, balance, and capability. Any of these would comprise fruitful journaling prompts and self-reflection topics for bathing. Getting to know yourself is a complex process, and happens in many ways: over time, in specific revealing moments, in relation to the people around us, in moments of reflection alone, by being present, and, of course, in hindsight.

Written by
Team MW